Monday, October 25, 2010

insomnia or the tale of less sleep

Insomnia is difficulty getting to sleep or staying asleep, or having nonrefreshing sleep for at least 1 month. I think when you have a kid, a job or just a life, this happens to all of us. A bout here and there. I seem to be in the throes of this right now. Feeling tired, but not wanting to sleep at night. I have read 4 books in the past week. Getting in to bed at 9:30 and then falling asleep at 12 or 1 after reading and reading and reading. God bless the kindle app on my iPad.

My mind has been working overtime. My friend lost a pregnancy last week. We haven't spoken since. She said she didn't want to talk. I feel so lost, so helpless. What can I do? I guess just give her space for now and she'll talk when she's ready. I just hope this friendship isn't lost because of this.

And now, I'm tired. Do I go to bed and lie there? Or do I read?

“Worry is the darkroom in which negatives are developed” So yeah, maybe to bed but not to worry.

Did I mention I'm taking a photography class? It's been on my list for awhile, and I'm finally doing it! Wish me luck.

Tuesday, October 05, 2010

ER and back

Chloe was first sick last Wednesday. She barfed in the car on the way to swimming. I thought that she had just put her fingers in her mouth and choked herself as she had been doing because of her teeth. But then she threw up again about an hour later. This was the beginning of her first bout with a nasty virus.

She threw up again Thursday, Friday morning and Saturday morning, but by Saturday afternoon she was back to her usual self. We thought she was over it. Then I went to pick her up on Sunday morning from my moms house. On the way home she threw up again and I've never seen so much mass come out of her. I don't know what it was or where it came from because she hadn't really eaten anything in 5 days. She slept for 2 hours straight when she got home and then when she woke up she wouldn't let us go. For those who know Chlo well, she is never still. Hugs are fleeting. She hates to be held most times. On Sunday, she wouldn't let go. She dozed on us throughout the morning. She was lethargic. This had me worried.

I had been conversing with the advice nurses at Kaiser (a great service, BTW) for several days. On Sunday, they made an appointment for us to see an on duty pediatrician. He recommended that we go to the ER to get her some fluids. At that point, she had been screaming for about an hour and didn't stop.

Let me just say that the staff at the ER at Santa Teresa were amazing. The nurses were fabulous. They got her IV in on the first try. A chest x-ray was negative. Her blood work came back negative for bacterial infection so things were looking up. Once the first bag of fluid was in, she started to perk up. Then they had to do a catheter to get a sterile urine sample, because toddler girls can often have UTI's the have no other symptoms besides vomiting and diarrhea. Oh yeah, forgot to mention the diarrhea. That was fun too.

So, in the end she was moderately dehydrated from gastroenteritis. 1.5 bags of saline later, she was ready to go home. Quite a scare for us, but she was a trooper. And of course we knew she was better because when we left she said, "what's this?" about the straw from juice they gave her. She hadn't talked much in 5 days. So we knew, our girl was back. Because these days, it's nothing but "what's this". But after being in that emergency setting, I'm so thankful our girl is healthy. I couldn't go through that again any time soon.

Thursday, September 09, 2010

love vs hate

So I've always had a problem with my skin. In high school I took medication to try to clear up my skin that was so powerful they made me sign a paper saying I wouldn't get pregnant because it would mess up a baby really badly. After many years of school, I now know why.

And now, at 30, I'm still struggling. And the problem really is that I have hyperpigmented skin, which means that it retains brown discoloration easily. I forgot to put sunscreen over my eyebrows right after I got them waxed one time and since then I have had a brown discoloration over my right eyebrow.

Of course it doesn't help that I scratch my face because it gets so itchy. This of course leads to irritation which leads to brown spots!

I have been using some skin products specifically targeted at discoloration from ROC and Dermatologica (PRICEY). So far I have seen some minor changes but more so as an overall improvement rather then a fading of the markings.

Of course I know my hormones play a role in this as well because when I was pregnant my skin was much better. And now, having just had my first period in 23 months (I KNOW, RIGHT?) my skin is going super haywire again. Gah.

All I can say is bless you Clinique and Bare Minerals. You guys are my saving grace.

But let's not end on a negative note. Let's talk about something I am proud of. Like my hair.

When I was 29, I vowed to cut my hair short when I turned 30. You know, a real grown up haircut. And then Chloe was born and my hair totally changed texture and it gained this ability to be styled and HOLD A STYLE. So then I decided to just let it grow again. So now, we're back to long hair and getting longer. I have also figured out what to do with my fringe (a bit too thick so pulling some back to let it grow out), but overall I'm really happy. Plus I found a new place up here in Fremont to get my hair colored at and she only charges 70 for a whole head of highlights! Score.

Verdict: loving the hair, meh on the skin. But hey, i can always use my fringe to cover up my forehead on bad skin days. I can multitask, ya'll.

Friday, August 27, 2010

One of those days

Where you can't believe you made it though

where I felt so overwhelmed and angry with my child, even though I know she couldn't help it

where I felt like crying 3 times but held it back because I didn't want to scare C

where I really missed my mum because she's still away

where I just wanted to go to bed and wake up in a week

where I allowed myself this complaint time but then made sure to remind myself of things that are good

I am so blessed. We all are.

Even on the days that are bad, I have it so much better than most.

And even though the frustration built, and my walls were shaken, I came out on top.

Plus I bought a new lip stain/balm.


Thursday, August 19, 2010

The finger

The universe is out to get me.

I was doing so well with my exercising. i hadn't lost a lot of weight but my body shape was totally changing and I was feeling so good. Then my foot started hurting so I decided to rest it. And wouldn't you know it it doesn't feel ANY BETTER.

Then, Chloe woke up yesterday with big welts on her body after having several days of extreme crankiness due to her teeth. Fortunately, the welts are gone and she seems to be doing better. Although, it seems as though her diaper rash (another gift from the teeth) is coming back so that's always fun.

And now, Tim is sick. Poor guy is working so hard doing 2 jobs that he's falling apart. Ugh.


Friday, August 06, 2010


Hello friends-
What is on your agenda this weekend? It's funny. Being a work at home/stay at home mom gives you a different perspective on weekends. Still look forward to them though. Although sometimes we run into a little snag as I want to get out and Tim wants to be home. But we work it out.

This weekend involves a birthday party and a happy hour. Sooo looking forward to both.

My effort to take more pictures is not going so well. I never seem to have my camera out when I need it. So maybe it needs to stay on the kitchen table. It's not going to do me much good sitting on the computer table in the den, is it?

And how did we get to August? Time continues to fly by. I'm halfway through my 30 day workout challenge. Haven't lost a lot of weight but my body is totally reshaping itself. I gotta keep that in mind when I disagree with my scale.

And now, I wait for that call. The one from the room where the peanut sleeps, butt in the air, paci hanging out of her mouth. I can't wait for her to nap, but then I can't wait for her to wake up....

Sunday, August 01, 2010

Anniversary number 5

On Saturday, Tim and I celebrated our 5 year wedding anniversary.

The day started off with a trip to see the Wiggles at HP Pavillion. Chloe's favorite thing on TV is the Wiggles so we were really excited to see their live show. SO MUCH FUN! She went absolutely nuts when they came out and we were lucky that Jeff (the purple sleepy one) came down the row right in front of us and waved to Chloe. I know she won't remember but the look on her face was priceless.

After the show, we came home and got Chloe settled with my parents. They were kind enough to watch her overnight for us. We then went to Hotel Valencia at Santana Row. We stayed there after our wedding so thought it would be fitting to stay there again. Drinks at Straits; followed by dinner at LB steak. It was nice to get away for the night but I missed Chloe like mad. I swear she grew about an inch overnight.

Now we need to get something else on the Calendar. We've decided that we always need something to look forward to. =)

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Stanley peanut

Remember when she was just a name? Now she is sitting on the potty making this face....

7 months

7 months? Really? I reiterate the title of my last post. EPIC FAIL! Of course I could always blame the kiddo for my absence, but really, it's just that I'm not a good blogger. I spend too much time snooping on other people and reading about them.

And why now return? Because a blog I have been reading has really made an impact on me.
read it
It's awesome

Just an excerpt that really hit me today
what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?

Because these moments?

It's going to the beach, the woods, the park, the mountains, the store, the classroom, the office, a friend's house, your parents' house, your child's house, your own house...searching for the marrow of life, and sucking the bejesus out of it. It's the moment you held your arms out to welcome these flailing, crying tiny little creatures that fit deep into your grasp but even deeper into your heart. It's loving your kids with every fiber of your being.

It's in accepting that we are unfinished projects and in loving the finishing challenges that lie ahead. It's in happiness.

Talk about talent for writing. Thanks Kelle.

Saturday, January 30, 2010

Epic Fail

So I think I'm not cut out to be a blogger. As much as I love to stalk other people and spend far too much time reading other mommy blogs, i just can't seem to keep any consistency with this. I often think, hey, that would be a great blog post...but then time passes on and I forget what I wanted to write. Doesn't mean I'm not going to post anymore, but the posts may be sparse and far in between. Anyway, things are pushing along. We are sleep training Chloe with the Ferber method and had a pretty good night last night. She doesn't fight going to sleep, it's the night waking we have a problem with. But, I feel optimistic and we should be seeing a big change by day 7. I think I can dedicate 7 days of my life to helping my child sleep better. I think...

Our life is a constant whirl of change. Chloe is growing up so fast. She eats like a horse (she always has) although now she is on solids she eats even more.

The hubby is still in bed (he couldn't sleep last night), Chloe is happy in her jumper watching PBS sprout and I need to eat, so I'm thinking pancakes are in order. Let's see if Chlo likes those. I mean, the kid likes pickles, so I think pancakes will be a hit.