Tuesday, July 28, 2009

The first motherly rant

I will preface this post with a warning. This is about mom stuff. It will be one of only posts I make about mom stuff as I don't want to bore my tens of readers with inane drivel. However, today an outlet is needed. You see, Chloe will be 5 weeks old tomorrow. Tim and I have managed to keep her alive for 5 weeks now. Congrats to us is in order. However, after 5 weeks, I am starting to feel the weight of the world crushing down a bit. I've had a few teary days here and there, which I know is normal. However, today I cried for no reason because frankly, I'm so tired. I have always loved sleep. Naps were the highlight of my weekend. Now, those days are a distant memory. Last night I slept on the couch with Chloe on me and had to feed her every 2 hours. She must be growing. I know people say that it will get better, but the light at the end of that tunnel is hard to see right now. Tim has been wonderful in all this. He is my rock and my biggest support. But, since his boobs fail to produce what our daughter needs, he's a little left out. Even now as I write this I feel the tears welling up. It is hard for Tim to grasp as well, because there isn't one particular thing that is making me sad right now and there is nothing he can fix. His kindness and patience is a gift that I am so grateful for. So in the end what does this mean? Until she starts sleeping through the night do we just continue to suffer and keep that little ray of hope in our minds and hearts? I guess so. You can see how this is disheartening though, no? Anyway, that's all for now. Don't want to be redundant. Maybe tonight will be a better night. Maybe.